The end of New Moon

Yup, you guessed it.
I've finished!!!!!!!!!!!!
^^

it's so nice reading it.. I never could let to any book when I almost reach the end of it. I just couldn't... I'll keep reading, reading, and reading until I reach the words "the end" or "to be continued". Weird??? Sure it is... But.. I just couldn't help it. hehehe

I started get glued to it since the part when Bella has to go Italy, to save Edward from provoking the Volturi Family... Maybe part of it.. because I was really thrilled... at last... after tons of chapters with no Edward Cullen in those... Well, he isn't the reason why I read the book.. But, the story is about a girl that falls in love with him, it's a love story.. and those chapters are about brokenhearted, pain, delusion, and all of that sort of negative feelings of a brokenhearted girl.

it's just... not something that I would love to read about. hehehe
Not because that it also reminds me of my own past experience of post broken relationship, but I am used to... feel the characters emotions in the book. Specially the ones that are the protagonists. I'll feel happy when it's a happy ending, when something sad happens, I could cry with them.
Silly???
Yes, I guess I am.
XD

Now that I've finished the book, with a happy ending, I couldn't be happier. And now, the book took me to a scene, a city... an old one, that brought a lot of imagination to me. A city that practically within my reach, Volterra, a small city in Italy. And now... I'm having a holiday.... now, I don't need a visa to go to Schengen countries.... God, this is really tempting me!!!!!
I would really love to go there. I am.
The only string that bounds me to where I am now... is money.
Right, I don't have the money to support my leisure tourism. Though, actually, yes I have the money.. but.. NO. It's the money that I intend to keep at all cost, it's for something that is very urgent and unpredictable. So, I couldn't let go my insurance just for a moment of euphoria, right???

Anyway, I put Volterra on the list of places that I definetly go if I have the chance!!!
^^

This is the end of my New Moon...

My words as Isabella Swan

you told me to go on with live
mortal life

pretended that you've never existed
not just in my life
but in the whole world

you took away all of the proof of your existence
you didn't left any trails
nothing that I could treasure
not even a shadow

can't you see that it's so cruel??
to leave me behind with all of these tears?

you said mortal memory is fragile
it'll fade with time

at least....
let me remember you as my sweet memory
left me something that I could treasure till the end of my life

don't ask me to pretend that you never exist
for you are special for me
in every way that I could describe

the way you left me now
hurt me so deeply.........................

So deep
that the pain will still lingers
till the time I won't feel any pain anymore

I'm Brokenhearted...

I decided to start reading the books. I know, I know... those are Christmas presents... I am not supposed to touch the books before Christmas!!! I know...... >.<. I also think that way.... But.. I'm going to spent 6 days of my holiday to work, and I still have that 2 reports to be done, Plus that 1 presentation, and those exams that are coming..

Especially one of my lovely teachers insisted us to read the text book and lots of other theory books to support our analysis!!!! It seems that I've found my boyfriend for the next 3 weeks.. : Marketing and Front Office books.... (sigh...... >.<)

How about the books that I just received????
Well, I planned on finishing them by the end of this week!!!!!!!!
lol
^^
XD

I started with New Moon, with the so perfect boyfriend, Edward Cullen.....
After I read few chapters..... there goes my romantic dreams....... he left Bella!!!
I've always been drifted along with the story of the book that I read, sometimes I could be drowned so deep that I could completely forgot the real world that I am in. And now.. when the story went to the side that I never favor (but I know a total all the time happy story would be very boring), I am in a point that I need a break of reading. It means that I won't continue reading until I'm ready. XD

My feeling right now.. would be best describe as... brokenhearted.. as a girl and a reader, it would be normal for me to place myself as the girl protagonist, especially if the story is from inside her eyes. Now that she is brokenhearted and the way they parted is just... so painful that I could almost felt the despair within myself. The best thing to describe it is the Evanescence song, My Immortal.

I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave, I wish that you would just leave
Coz your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me

You used to captivate me by your resonating light
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind
Your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away all the sanity in me

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me

I tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone,
But though you're still with me, I've been all alone all along

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I've held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me, me, me, me

My Parcel has arrived!! ^^

Last Thursday night I was just curiously checking the books on internet.. it unexpectedly made me realized that I never had a package sent to me.. Well... now that I remember.... it's only once.. another online shopping. But that's it, I never received any letters apart from the letters I received from bank regularly. Honestly... I longed for letters or packages.... since my friends often received those things from their friends or family. Well, I never asked for them to my family or friends either... coz.. I don't really need anything, true. But.... still... somehow.. I keep checking the mailbox and hope for something would be there (though of course, it always nothing inside). XD

So... I decided to buy my own Christmas gift. Coz.. I know that my parents won't send me anything, though maybe I'll get some presents from my friends in Switzerland. And I'll spent Christmas in here anyway, most probably with only some of my friends, small little celebration without anything much to expect. For New Year... I'll spend it by working. Yup.. working. I'm not that dissapointed though, cause... er... nothing really special that I could do anyway.

Last year I did speant my new year's eve partying in Montreux. It's a grand Party with 21 great DJ's. It was really fun, but tiring in the same time. I remembered I was fighting with the urge to sleep in the train station while waiting for the first train. And even in the train I need to stand all the way up to Leysin since, all of the people went partying and went back with the first train.. It was very crowded. And when I eventually reach my room, I couldn't go to bed without shower, it's something that I just can't do.. and eventhough I'm very tired, I only could sleep for 3 hours, and then I couldn't sleep anymore. It was fun while partying, but the after party is not that really fun.... So I decided not to go there again this year.

So... I came to a resolution... I'll buy something for myself. Then.. the 2 books that I've been dreaming for months..... Brisingr (the 3rd book of Eragon) and New Moon (the 2nd book of Twilight). ^^
It's really cheap anyway, it's cheaper than if I bought from the bookstore. Not to mention if they have the book in english!!! Almost everything here is in French. So.. I'm really happy about it. For these past few days...... I've the feeling of excitement that I've never experienced for quite a long time.. It's fun.

I counted the days...
I keep remembering it...
There's something that I'm waiting for..
and the best thing is...
I know that it's coming!!!!!!
For sure!!!
hehehe
^^
I felt like a little girl again all of a sudden. Like a child that is waiting for Christmas to come, eager to unwrap all of the boxes under the Christmas Tree.

And... the package came!!! Today!!!!
I'm soooo happy ^^

Though... maybe if it came longer....
It would be more fun....
coz I'll still have something to wait for..
hehehe

Pemikiran hari ini

duuuh
dasar otak ini...
maunya bermimpi terus, males untuk melihat kenyataan, padahal kan banyak yang harus dilakukan untuk menghadapi dunia nyata. Tugas-tugas yang harus aku lakukan:

1. Banquet report
2. French presentation
   
3. Geography presentation
4. Event presentation
5. Front office report
6. Accounting report
7. Cari internship

Tapi dasar saat aku baru mau mulai mengerjakan.... Kesadaran ini kembali terbang melewati gunung dan awan ke alam fantasi dan imajinasi. Kapan aku bisa selesai???

Apalagi aku harus dengan giat mengejar nilai-nilai ku yang jatuh karena report. Tadi report Marketing baru dibagi >.<. Untungnya... aku masih pass. Aku sudah patah harapan sih.... soalnya... gimana ya..

Jujur nih, aku memang agak males, kalau kerja, ga bisa dari jauh-jauh hari, pasti kalau sudah agak mendekati deadline baru otak ini giat bekerja. Tapi aku tau aku pasti bisa. Sedangkan kemaren, aku kerja bareng dengan partnerku. Dia itu rajin sih, tapi sayang, agak sombong dan terlalu yakin akan kemampuan dia sendiri. Tadinya sih, aku seneng banget bisa kerja bareng dia, soalnya dia kayaknya rajin dan pintar... Tapi ternyata kepintaran dia itu telah membutakan matanya... T.T Dia kerjakanlah satu report itu sendirian tanpa perduli akan kontribusiku terhadap report itu. Salahku juga sih, aku lambat dalam mengerjakan.. Tapi dia juga tidak bilang-bilang akan kemajuan report tersebut. Masa tiba-tiba dia bilang dia sudah selesai????

Apalagi setelah dia konsultasi dengan guru mata pelajarannya, guru ini telah berkata, semua analisa kita harus didukung oleh teori dan direferensi (dia dengan sombongnya menganggap semuanya benar tanpa harus didukung para ahli dan tentunya, tidak direferensi dengan benar... Jujur, kontribusiku dalam report ini bisa dibilang sangat sedikit, aku cuma membenarkan semua layout, membenarkan penulisan kata-katanya yang sering salah eja dan menambahkan solusi marketing yang lain.

Terbukti saja dari hasil yang dibagi..... nilainya hanya pass, dan aku sudah bersyukur banget!!! Tampaknya guruku ini masih bermurah hati dalam memberikan nilai.

Kalian mungkin akan bertanya-tanya, kalau aku sudah tau dari awal bahwa report ini memang tidak bagus dan tidak memenuhi standard, kenapa aku tidak membenarkan saja sebelum dikumpul?? Well... soalnya... teman kerjaku ini ya itu sombong dan yakin bahwa kerjaannya itu benar, padahal sudah kukejar-kejar untuk membuat referens, tapi dia dengan malasnya, dan menuliskan di salah satu media komunikasi internet tanpa bayar yang telah digunakan dengan luas di seluruh dunia setelah namanya bahwa dia tidak butuh referens, karena dia sudah pintar!!!
=.='' ini benar-benar reaksiku waktu membaca tulisannya itu.. Kesal?? iya!! Makanya aku jadi malas.. terserah dia lah, apa pun yang ingin dia lakukan, toh dia tidak menganggap atau pun menghargai aku sebagai partnernya. Kalau dia menghargai pendapatku, seharusnya dia tidak mengerjakan report itu sendirian!

Tadi pun aku sempat mencuri dengar pembicaraannya dengan teman sekelasku, dia bilang nilainya jelek. Lalu temanku pun bertanya, siapa partnermu? (Nb: partnerku ini terkenal satu sekolah sebagai seorang pelajar yang baik, disukai guru-guru, tapi ternyata dibalik imagenya yang super itu.....................) Dia jawablah dengan namaku. Lalu temanku ini (yang sebenarnya hanya kenal dan bukan teman, sejak kita pun tidak pernah berjalan seiringan dalam arti harafiah ataupun bukan) dengan reaksi yang... "oh pantas....."
aku????? KESAL
yah walaupun partnerku menambahkan, sebagian besar dia yang buat, aku hanya buat sedikit saja.

Tapi....
(sigh......)
sudahlah malas aku membahasnya.
Ini memang salahku juga kok, aku yang membiarkan report ini dikumpul walaupun aku tau betapa buruk kualitasnya.
Jadi sekarang... ya... terima sajalah.
>.<

For those who thinks my world is perfect

I've been living in a dream
in a place where everything is exactly as I wished
though reality is near
it's covered with a thick mist
though sometimes I got some glimpse
I ignored them
take it as a nightmare
and go on in my dream

in this mind...
my world is wonderland
so beautiful
the perfect picture
a painting without flaw
my little ball of crystal

That's what I seems to be
and that's what you think

but the reality of it...

I'm not living in a dream
but I wished I lived in that dream

I'm no princess
that's innocent and naive
who knows nothing of the world
I might seems to be one
but I'm not

the flaws of my life
are covered and decorated
you'll never seen them
unless you know to the core of me
my life is not perfect
nor that I always happy

you think that I have everything
but.. what is everything???
could anyone would ever have everything???
we live in a real world
not a fairytale
even in fairytale, there's always an evil witch

what make you so envious of me?
that you try to ruin my world
that is not even near to perfect??

how could you betray
someone that never betrayed you?

Avenged is something that is formed in my mind
but what for??
for misunderstanding my world?
I could only pity you

I do have flaws
I'm not innocent either
sadness, betrayals, depression, loneliness
are friends that come to visit every now and then

It's like having a long trip
walk slowly, enjoy the view
should I crossed path with wolves
I just cantered away
left them behind
they might have bitten me
but it's not a reason to hunt all of them down
just go on with the journey
enjoy the forest
trot and canter for fun

no one has a happily ever after kind of life
it's just the way you live your life
the way you treat others
the way you think of yourself
that makes as if you lived in a dream
a sweet dream that everyone dreams about