It's never easy to say goodbye

Yesterday... I received news.. that my uncle had just died. 

I'm speechless... I don't know what to say... 

I am sad

But it's not something that's shocking.. we (the family) had been warn..  by the words of brain tumor.... by the words of the doctors that said "sorry, but I do not dare".

In some corner of my heart... I think somehow.. it might have been better for him. He's no longer haunted by 'when would it be' or that he won't be in pain any longer. He is free from any worries and troubles.

Yes.. this must has been something good for him.

Now that has left...

How I longed to go to my family.. to my mother that's grieving her younger brother... 

to my younger cousins that just lost their father.

But then again... I don't know how to console them...

Perhaps.. I would just sit in silence with them.

I feel remorse too that I had never visited him when he was sick. But living outside of the country.. it's not that easy to return either. 

But then again.. I think I do have the benefit.. the uncle that engraved in my mind is a healthy laughing uncle. The last time I was in the country, he didn't have the tumor yet... and I am late by a few months as I am suppose to go back home at last in the next few months.

But in my memory when I think of him... he's still the healthy, smiling uncle :)

Rest in peace my dearest uncle...

We are missing you and we will be always miss you.

Unsure

Today... the place that's famous for it's sunshine is grey. The cloud that brings rain has been staying over and doesn't any signs of moving out.

Sitting inside my room and looking out to the window... I only see wet roads with wet cars passing by. The sun is still too shy to show his face.

I'm stuck in this room, having a full list of what to do, but don't know how to start doing them. My future is just like the sky... cloudy and unclear.

"What should I do next?"
"How do I want to do it?"
"Do I really want it?"

Growing up is something that I embrace happily and sadly... Happy that at last a life that my decisions really make a point in my life, instead of someone else that make that decision for me has come. Sad and cautious that I'm not sure what to do with it... I'm not sure what I want. What that I'm thinking would be the best idea now, I might regret it one day in the future.

Should I do this... Should I do that.... hm.....

2012 Resolution

Well... now that 2011 has ended.... way faster and sooner that I thought it would... with so many things happen and me that keep rushing from one point to another (you can see that I moved from Leysin to Zurich and then now in the United States...) (or from finishing dissertation to the last internship and to a training program..) - I still can't understand how time flew sometimes...

And just now, I review back my 2011 resolution, something that I haven't done since I actually wrote it... and I'm quite surprised actually that I've done it. I did my 2011 resolution. Well... apart from having my weight down to 58 kg, just because I don't have a scale and I don't really intend to know how much I weight at the moment lol. Not that I'm gaining so much that I'm afraid to look at it, but it's just that... well... as long as I'm still comfortable with myself, I don't think that the number on the scale really matters. I might even reach 58 kg at some point last year.

Oh well, I'm happy with my last year result... and now starts the new one :)



My 2012 Resolutions:

• Keep reading books
• Write every now and then
• Learn to know my own needs and wants
• Success my training
• Find out the next plan (continue, or keep studying, or find a new job, or make my own living)
• Have fun with friends while in the United States
• Visit New York, Key West and San Fransisco
• Learn to speak more German and or Spanish
• Keep in Love :)