It's never easy to say goodbye

Yesterday... I received news.. that my uncle had just died. 

I'm speechless... I don't know what to say... 

I am sad

But it's not something that's shocking.. we (the family) had been warn..  by the words of brain tumor.... by the words of the doctors that said "sorry, but I do not dare".

In some corner of my heart... I think somehow.. it might have been better for him. He's no longer haunted by 'when would it be' or that he won't be in pain any longer. He is free from any worries and troubles.

Yes.. this must has been something good for him.

Now that has left...

How I longed to go to my family.. to my mother that's grieving her younger brother... 

to my younger cousins that just lost their father.

But then again... I don't know how to console them...

Perhaps.. I would just sit in silence with them.

I feel remorse too that I had never visited him when he was sick. But living outside of the country.. it's not that easy to return either. 

But then again.. I think I do have the benefit.. the uncle that engraved in my mind is a healthy laughing uncle. The last time I was in the country, he didn't have the tumor yet... and I am late by a few months as I am suppose to go back home at last in the next few months.

But in my memory when I think of him... he's still the healthy, smiling uncle :)

Rest in peace my dearest uncle...

We are missing you and we will be always miss you.

Unsure

Today... the place that's famous for it's sunshine is grey. The cloud that brings rain has been staying over and doesn't any signs of moving out.

Sitting inside my room and looking out to the window... I only see wet roads with wet cars passing by. The sun is still too shy to show his face.

I'm stuck in this room, having a full list of what to do, but don't know how to start doing them. My future is just like the sky... cloudy and unclear.

"What should I do next?"
"How do I want to do it?"
"Do I really want it?"

Growing up is something that I embrace happily and sadly... Happy that at last a life that my decisions really make a point in my life, instead of someone else that make that decision for me has come. Sad and cautious that I'm not sure what to do with it... I'm not sure what I want. What that I'm thinking would be the best idea now, I might regret it one day in the future.

Should I do this... Should I do that.... hm.....

2012 Resolution

Well... now that 2011 has ended.... way faster and sooner that I thought it would... with so many things happen and me that keep rushing from one point to another (you can see that I moved from Leysin to Zurich and then now in the United States...) (or from finishing dissertation to the last internship and to a training program..) - I still can't understand how time flew sometimes...

And just now, I review back my 2011 resolution, something that I haven't done since I actually wrote it... and I'm quite surprised actually that I've done it. I did my 2011 resolution. Well... apart from having my weight down to 58 kg, just because I don't have a scale and I don't really intend to know how much I weight at the moment lol. Not that I'm gaining so much that I'm afraid to look at it, but it's just that... well... as long as I'm still comfortable with myself, I don't think that the number on the scale really matters. I might even reach 58 kg at some point last year.

Oh well, I'm happy with my last year result... and now starts the new one :)



My 2012 Resolutions:

• Keep reading books
• Write every now and then
• Learn to know my own needs and wants
• Success my training
• Find out the next plan (continue, or keep studying, or find a new job, or make my own living)
• Have fun with friends while in the United States
• Visit New York, Key West and San Fransisco
• Learn to speak more German and or Spanish
• Keep in Love :)
  

The Battle of Tera

Okay, I found this movie by accident and just out of curiosity and boredom, I decided to actually watch it. I glad that I watched it though... it's actually a simple movie with a common theme and a predictable ending. Just another animation family movie.

However.. there is something in this movie that made me wonder. There is something in this movie that holds a possibility that I hadn't think about before.

It's actually about a planet called Tera with its friendly and peaceful inhabitants and how they encounter the human race that came to take their home because earth is no longer habitable and they are forced to find a new 'home' and of course... Tera is the destination.

And well, as you might also realize the nature of human race, the plan is to destroy the original life of the planet and enforced a new habitation more suitable for the humans. Yup... don't think of about negotiation or any sort of the ambassadors suppose to do, just sent the war planes.

However, the peaceful Tera-ians were originally not so peaceful.. they were as well, a race of war, and they do have the developed technology advanced enough to go face to face with the human's war technology.

It turns out that the Tera-ians itself was once almost extinct because of war and now they are teaching their children, the new generations about peace and life and forget the technology that they were once had as well as their destructive history and only the 'elders' that are aware of the truth.

The ending of the story is pretty dramatic but expected. The real hero (human) died in saving the Tera-ians and in return, they save the humans by building a habitation with atmosphere suitable for humans and the co-habitation of the planet.

--------------------------------

The thing that stuck in my mind right now... is....

Well... there is this theory that I heard or read about a few years ago, about the possibility that.. we are.. humans... are actually aliens on earth. There are a lot of questions about massive building technique or wisdom of the ancient civilization.. Somethings... that seems.. somekind of impossible for those "without technology" people.

And well.. according to this theory... It is because that humans are aliens and of course, as aliens.. we do have advanced technology. Advanced enough to make ships that travels the solar system and find a new planet to live on. It's just that.. there is this question... if we were.... why there are no records about that? Assuming that we are advanced enough to travel the universe, aren't those knowledge about space travel precious? about the ships are precious? why do we 'forget' those??

And now... maybe... and only maybe.. IF that theory is right... then.. MAYBE it's just because we had a very sad history previously.. and the people of that time decided that they would like to start brand new. Without the 'history' and without the technology. Maybe as well... in hope that they and their next generations would live in peace and without war.

Unfortunately.. if this were the truth, then their hope has failed... humans do have just in nature, in instinct, to destroy. Although we tried our best not to have war.. sometimes war is inevitable. What else is the reason for continuous war from the ancient civilization until now? Yes, until now! Our world is not peaceful at all, considering the small coups or riots in most of the countries to the more obvious right north and south korea or the middle east... It is... in human nature to strife for more.. to be greedy and strife for "safety" even if it costs someone else's "safety". If this is not... why do we still have war now?? we have failed to understand each other.

and currently.. our earth is also dying.. not soon... but slowly. It is already predicted that somewhere in the future... our descendants might have to leave earth and find a new planet to live on. It is not in doubt that the technology to support human life continuously in space is being researched or if not developed..

and might be... the history will repeat somewhere in the far corner of the universe....

The good things that happen today

Today, well... I'm still nervous for my new work... Then several things happen...

Yesterday, I got an unknown caller on my cell during work orientation, of course I'm not picking it up and I have no idea who it was, and as usual, I'm not so interested to find out who... If it was important enough, they will call later, was my thought. But my boyfriend was asking me to call back. I wasn't really enthusiast about it, and I think he noticed that and gave me a hint that he knew who called.

That's it, my curiosity is at the maximum level, and I failed to make him break the news to me. I went to sleep with several guesses about what could it be... .. ..

So, yes, I can't wait to call the 'mystery' caller again and until I got them... it turns out to be a florist!! Okay, so it's flowers... :)
Unfortunately though that they can't deliver after 5pm and most probably I would be at home after 5 pm.... >.<
So... basically, they have to deliver it to my work place!! uh oh... it's gonna take some people attention.. and I don't want it... I'm not so comfortable to be on the spotlight sometimes.. depends on the situation.. and I think it's one of it..
I love the flowers, but I'm not thrilled about the part that it has to be delivered to my work place. Because, I have to tell some people about it to let the delivery able to come inside the area and deliver it, and as I was still in the orientation, they have to put the flowers somewhere else first and so and so...

But oh well... in the end I got the delivery... with even an extra surprise... a Teddy Bear!!!!







I do love roses, and yes I love teddy bears as well.... I was a little bit sad that I had to leave my teddy bears with him because I don't have any space to bring them to the states.. and now that I got one.. and it's from him.... :D :D :D :D

I am very happy :) Love love love love him so much :)




Ps: I got a fortune cookie tonight, and it says 'Someone is speaking well of you'. Well, in the position of new job... I do hope that it's true :) It really chase away all of the worries that I had :)