It's never easy to say goodbye

Yesterday... I received news.. that my uncle had just died. 

I'm speechless... I don't know what to say... 

I am sad

But it's not something that's shocking.. we (the family) had been warn..  by the words of brain tumor.... by the words of the doctors that said "sorry, but I do not dare".

In some corner of my heart... I think somehow.. it might have been better for him. He's no longer haunted by 'when would it be' or that he won't be in pain any longer. He is free from any worries and troubles.

Yes.. this must has been something good for him.

Now that has left...

How I longed to go to my family.. to my mother that's grieving her younger brother... 

to my younger cousins that just lost their father.

But then again... I don't know how to console them...

Perhaps.. I would just sit in silence with them.

I feel remorse too that I had never visited him when he was sick. But living outside of the country.. it's not that easy to return either. 

But then again.. I think I do have the benefit.. the uncle that engraved in my mind is a healthy laughing uncle. The last time I was in the country, he didn't have the tumor yet... and I am late by a few months as I am suppose to go back home at last in the next few months.

But in my memory when I think of him... he's still the healthy, smiling uncle :)

Rest in peace my dearest uncle...

We are missing you and we will be always miss you.

Les Miserables

I'm in love......

I am deeply in love with 'Les Miserables'. I first knew about this opera when I was still a French language student in Jakarta. They were having this opera in Jakarta. I got the chance to see it. But as it was not familiar with me, and no one that could really accompany me to go there, I let the chance pass. I didn't even bother with it that much, which I regretted now.

Then... I heard this song.. 'I dream a dream' sang by Susan Boyle, the song was so sweet that I really love it straight away. Then again, I heard it in Glee, it still charms me. And so, just by curiosity I search it in YouTube, to see the original singer. I was surprised that it's actually a song from a play, Les Miserables, a play that I got the chance to see!!!!!

The video that I saw was a concert rather than a play actually, but the singers was so awesome, they are full with the characters. You can really feel their emotions inside the song, it's so beautiful. I end up watching the whole series of the concert..., and I fell in love.

The story itself is actually quite devastating, as the title itself, "Les Miserables", though it's originally in French, the language I mean, but in this concert, they sung it in English. I was truly satisfied though, since I understand English much more than my limited French, and so I can understand all the 'dialogs', which is one of the most interesting part. But something for sure, the songs... it's so incredible, beautiful, sweet, but very realistic. It really shows how the world could be such a dreadful place for some people, how luck could goes for such scoundrels, but how some people could still live their life with such hope and love...

Here is some of my favorite songs :)

Upcoming Holidays......

Life is sooooo nice when you're having somethings to wait for. It's true right?

My life before was just normal, so-so, and a bit down when I knew that I might not be able to go back home again for this year. Especially when my friends and I actually planning somethings back home. Yeah... we were planning to have a trip around Java Island... T.T

Too bad that my parents decided to come here instead and my plan to go on a vacation with my friends back home has to be thrown out of the widow.

With my parents coming, I feel happy too though, it's been a long time since I have a proper holiday with them. :)

Then my uncle and aunt decided to join my parents, and they want to go on a cruise... Hm.. I've never been to a cruise before.. so... okay, I think I'm going to like it. And then.. my family asked me to look at the cruises, see if I'm going to like it, then I'm starting to see all of the options and things that I could do while cruising... It seems FANTASTIC...

I know, they have great marketing there lol... Then, booking and then planning further make it even more exciting :)
Right now, it's 7 of us that are going on a cruise, yup, my grand-uncle and grand-aunt is coming too. Now it has become a big family vacation.

Soon me and my friends will go to Venice :) It's really something to wait for. Venice is one of my favorite city to visit. It's an old city that's very beautiful. And before it disappears to the ocean, we should visit it!!!

On September, I'm also going to watch Cirque du Soleil Varekai ^^
I have watch Cirque du Soleil Corteo before, and it's so amazing, that I will never forget that show. It's actually one of a push factor for me to pursue hospitality and event subject that I'm studying now.

My friends and I even made a presentation about logistic of this circus last semester, and finding more informations about it really made us more impressed by it. And now that a chance came up for us to see it, we're not going to let it pass :D

Guru Akutansiku

Tahukah anda bahwa aku sedang membenci seseorang... IA adalah seorang wanita yang baru saya kenal beberapa bulan. Beberapa bulan ini saya menghormatinya, dan saya menyesalinya. IA bukan orang yang patut mendapatkan rasa hormat itu. IA hanya seorang wanita yang berpikiran dengan logika numerologis yang dibutakan oleh emosi.

Emosinya yang sungguh tinggi itu, sering meledak-ledak dan merendahkan orang lain dengan gaya dan cara sinisnya. Tentu saja, tak sedikit orang yang mulai menghindarinya, tak lagi bicara padanya, dan pastinya kehilangan antusias untuk mendengar kata-katanya.

Berkali-kali IA berteriak nyaring melengkin-lengking dengan kasar di depan kami. Kami menghormatinya dan diam. Saat IA menyindir dengan sinisnya yang membuat kami merasa bodoh, kami hanya menghela nafas, 'roll the eyes' dan diam. Saat IA memberi tugas untuk membaca 1 bab penuh jam 9 malam untuk sebelum kelas jam 8 pagi keesokan harinya, kami hanya diam. Disaat teman-temanku muak padanya dan tak mau mengerjakan tugas yang IA berikan, aku dan ke-empat temanku tetap mengerjakannya, empat dari puluhan murid yang lain dan IA sungguh marah. Saat itu IA bagaikan seekor naga murka yang bernafaskan api.

Di kelas lain... tiba-tiba ia lebih sabar.. Ia walau tetap menyindir, tetapi memberi penjelasan lebih lanjut. IA memberi informasi dan waktu yang lebih pada mereka. Mereka yang tak satupun mengerjakan tugas, ditolerir olehnya.

Dan tetap, aku menghormatinya, tapi hanya sampai tadi pagi...

Tadi pagi, aku mendapatkan hasil dari semua jerih payahku. Tak pernah sekalipun dalam hidupku aku gagal untuk mencapai apa yang harus dicapai, apalagi dalam bidang yang IA kini menjadi dewanya. Untuk pertama kalinya dalam sejarah hidupku, aku gagal. Pernahkan terbesit dalam benakku bahwa aku akan gagal? Tidak! Aku bahkan tak ragu untuk hal itu. Ternyata, tak hanya aku, begitu pula teman-temanku, semuanya gagal.

Tetapi mereka yang di kelas lain, sedikit yang gagal. Bahkan mereka yang tak mengerti pun dapat lulus dengan hasil yang memuaskan.

Lalu.. dapatkah kuterima bahwa keputusan IA yang kini menjadi dewa, adil?? Tidak! dan hilanglah pula semua rasa hormat yang kumiliki sebelumnya padanya. IA menilai dan dibutakan dengan emosi. IA menjadi subjektif dengan angka-angkanya.

Saat dengan halus kubertanya apakah yang kurang, sehingga aku dapat memperbaikinya untuk langkah selanjutnya.. IA dengan angkuhnya berkata 'Semuanya Salah', analisis-analisisnya, kesangkut-pautan angka-angkanya, urutan kata-katanya, semuanya salah. IA bahkan tak ambil pusing untuk bertanya yang mana karyaku dari sekian banyak karya-karya yang lain, dengan yakinnya IA berkata demikian.

Maka habis pula lah rasa masa kebodohanku padanya, dari petunjuk-petunjuk yang IA berikan, dengan yakin telah aku dan teman-temanku curahkan pada karya kami. Jelaslah, IA, tidak tahu yang mana karya kami, atau bahkan, munkin saja IA bahkan tidak perlu membaca untuk menilai karya-karya kami, cukup dari emosinya saja.

Dari masa bodoh, aku pun mulai membencinya. IA yang tidak bertindak adil dan hanya dipenuhi oleh dirinya sendiri, keegoisannya, dan kepuasan batinnya. Aku pun tak lagi berharap untuk kebahagiaannya.

we don't need a hero

I was just about to do my facilities design when this topic occurs to me....
like usual, I'll do anything to distract me from the actual things that I need to do lol.. but I will still do it anyway in the end, because I have to.
anyway, here we go,

Why do they want to be our hero?
it's not the only thing that will make us value them

even though if it's true,
but becoming our superman doesn't mean literally to be able to fly
or lift a car with a hand
nor that they have to save our life
from a life-death situation
do you know how small the percentage would be
if they want to be able to do that??

to be our hero is enough just to be there
they don't have to solve anything
just being there to listen and support us,
it's all that we need
how long will it take for them to realize this??

we don't need a superman
nor a spiderman
we could go paragliding if we want to fly
mountain climbing if we want to climb high things
what use will we got for laser eyes?

we don't need a hero
we need companions
a person to get through the day
and share the tears and joys


---------

'

Senyum Palsu

dalam hampa
ku bersila

ditemani sepi
disebelah sunyi

mereka berbisik nyaring
suara suara yang asing
dengan nada yang berdenging

mereka ramai
ku tak damai

hati ini kosong
hidup pun melompong

mereka berbisik nyaring
suara suara yang asing
dengan nada yang berdenging

kita tak satu
terpisah pagar batu
senyum yang palsu

mereka menatap
ku meratap

sesalilah
bila ku tak sama
kita bersama
jiwaku berkelana

mereka berbisik nyaring
suara suara yang asing
dengan nada yang berdenging

kumerindu
pada waktu
ingin kupeluk
saat dulu

saat surya
menyapa
dalam ria
kita berkisah

tiada
mereka berbisik nyaring
suara suara yang asing
dengan nada yang berdenging

_._._._._._._._._._._._

temaaaaaannnnnn aku kangeeeeeeennnn >.<

ia sudah tiada

ia yang kau kenal
sudah tiada
ia yang kau cinta
tak lagi di sini
ia yang kau impikan
telah hilang

ia telah berubah
bukan seorang yang kau kenal
ia tak lagi seperti dulu

kau hanya mengejar bayangan
kau mengejar dia
yang telah tiada

ia tak lagi disini
ia telah pergi
bukan sembunyi

kau tunjukkan sayang
pada orang yang salah
orang yang berbeda
dia bukan ia

ia sudah tiada
ia tak lagi di sini
ia telah hilang

ia yang kau kenal
telah berubah
ia yang sekarang
tak lagi kau kenal

Sorry....

dedicated to someone that used to be 'my someone'

I'm sorry to tell you this
I know I'm selfish
But I really need to tell you this
for this is my answer...

I'm sorry if you still felt the same way as before
sorry if you are still waiting for me
impatiently
sorry for all the pain that you have to endure

but honestly
I don't think we could be the same as we used to be
not only that both of us knew that it has no future
but I have lost the precious feeling that we had.
to force it,
will have nothing in result
only to add new scar for both of us

you were sorry to push me around
but still, you pushed me again and again

I'm very sorry to tell you this,
but I don't want to start new
both of us knew it will lead to nothing

I'm sorry that I don't even want to try
for I know, the feeling will never come back

the future that I've planned
has no place for you
I know it's cruel to say
but if I don't tell you clearly,
you'll start to push me again

sorry that I'm very evil to tell you this,
But I'm waiting for someone else
not you

but you ask for the truth,
and the truth that I gave.

This is the thing that I've been telling you for times
again and again
it's over.

Please forget me,
please start a new with someone
someone that will cherish you better than me
someone that you will love more than me

Please move on
don't stay where you are right now

I'm sorry...................

I'm Brokenhearted...

I decided to start reading the books. I know, I know... those are Christmas presents... I am not supposed to touch the books before Christmas!!! I know...... >.<. I also think that way.... But.. I'm going to spent 6 days of my holiday to work, and I still have that 2 reports to be done, Plus that 1 presentation, and those exams that are coming..

Especially one of my lovely teachers insisted us to read the text book and lots of other theory books to support our analysis!!!! It seems that I've found my boyfriend for the next 3 weeks.. : Marketing and Front Office books.... (sigh...... >.<)

How about the books that I just received????
Well, I planned on finishing them by the end of this week!!!!!!!!
lol
^^
XD

I started with New Moon, with the so perfect boyfriend, Edward Cullen.....
After I read few chapters..... there goes my romantic dreams....... he left Bella!!!
I've always been drifted along with the story of the book that I read, sometimes I could be drowned so deep that I could completely forgot the real world that I am in. And now.. when the story went to the side that I never favor (but I know a total all the time happy story would be very boring), I am in a point that I need a break of reading. It means that I won't continue reading until I'm ready. XD

My feeling right now.. would be best describe as... brokenhearted.. as a girl and a reader, it would be normal for me to place myself as the girl protagonist, especially if the story is from inside her eyes. Now that she is brokenhearted and the way they parted is just... so painful that I could almost felt the despair within myself. The best thing to describe it is the Evanescence song, My Immortal.

I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave, I wish that you would just leave
Coz your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me

You used to captivate me by your resonating light
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind
Your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away all the sanity in me

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me

I tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone,
But though you're still with me, I've been all alone all along

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I've held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me, me, me, me

>.< cemas..

duuuh...
Aku cemas, tapi juga excited banget... >.<

Besok : midterm report
3 hari lagi : Banquet
>.<

aku udah pasrah soal FO
aku yakin... nilaiku antara 60-70
klo bisa sampe 70 ke atas... it's a miracle!!!
>.<

at least.. I know for sure that my french is 88.....
tadi dikasih tau nilainya pas di kelas french.
J'aime le francaise ^^

banquet.. banquet...
kita blom siap banget siiihhhh
tapi juga gw da ga sabar... ga sabar banget supaya banquet ini cepat berakhir
cepat berlalu
biar aku ga pusing lagi sama segala macam yang membuat kepala ini migrain
biar aku ga perlu lagi menghadapi orang-orang yang super individual dan ga bisa bertanggung jawab itu...
biar aku lepas dari belenggu posisi dan tanggung jawab yang membuat aku ga tenang akhir-akhir ini...
gimana bisa tenang??? kalo orang-orang itu ga bisa dipercaya, dikasih tanggung jawab ga mau diambil, malah dioper-oper, udah dibantu malah dimanfaatin dan disuruh-suruh. Kamu temanku katamu??? Bohong... Kalau aku temanmu kamu harusnya bantu aku bukannya tinggalin aku. Aku kesal dengan mereka.. mereka dengan mudahnya mengatakan 'kita teman' padahal cuma mau supaya aku yang ambil getahnya...
>.<

Aku mau supaya banquet ini cepat selesai
>.<
Tuhan, kabulkanlah doaku.... supaya banquet ini selesai dengan lancar, dengan masalah dan perselisihan sedikit mungkin >.<

Bodohnya gw

Ntah kenapa gw ini bego ya kadang-kadang.
Trus nyadarnya telat lagi....

hiks hiks
Masa tadi gw exam gw ga perhatiin tuh soal bener" sih????
Udah ngerasa kok aneh... soalnya kurang lebih sama dengan yang pertama, tapi tetep aja masa bodoh dan kerjain tuh soal dengan tenangnya. Saat sesudah waktu kurang dari 5 menit... barulah mataku itu menangkap 1 kata yang membuat semua penjelasan panjang lebarku sia-sia....
REGISTRATION!!!!!!!
dan yang gw buat adalah RESERVATION!!!!!!!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Tidak!!!!!!!!!!

Bodoh! Bodoh! Bodoh!
Tolol! Bego! Dungu!

Bisa-bisanya aku ga perhatiin soal!!
dan soal essay ini nilainya 20 out of 100
20!!!
Dan passing grade nya tuh 70!!
Kalo kalian kalkulasi... jelas banget kan, max score yang bisa gw dapet itu cuma 80 dan passing gradenya tuh 70!!!
my God.... kemungkinan besar, gw ga pass T.T
T.T
T.T
hilang sudah kesempatan medapat nilai bagus
remuk sudah angan menggapai honour

dan yang lebih mengesalkan lagi....
bukan gara" gw ga mampu...
tapi gara" gw ga teliti!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
T.T

apa daya bila ingin memancing ikan,
peralatan lengkap, umpan pun siap
pancingan dipasang,
Ikan pun datang
umpan diganyang
kail ditarik dengan kencang
pancingan pun terbang
tertarik ikan...
oalah....
pancingan itu tuh dipegang loh ya bukan ditinggalin
dasar bodoh!!!!!

Kalau mau katain orang ngomong DEPAN ORANGNYA!!

gw da capek banget...
bener... C.A.P.E.K.

Gw yang harusnya kelas mulai jam 2 siang
mesti bangun pagi buat kejer kereta yang sebelum jam 8 pagi.
buat apa??
buat banquet....

enak??
GA
Sekarang nih dah mulai salju, dan tau sendirilah dinginnya kayak apa. Aku harus stay di montreux 1 jam sebelum bisa ke caux dan abis dari caux aku harus stay lagi di montreux 1 jam. Trus, keliling dingin-dingin sendirian mana enak???

Begitu pulang aku dah harus siap-siap buat tes Prancis oral. Gugup??? BANGET
Untungnya tes Prancis aku masih oke.

Trus.... abis itu.....
tau????
aku dapet laporan....
MEREKA NGATA-NGATAIN AKU DI KELAS!!!!!!
Oke, emang bener banget kata pepatah

"Tong Kosong Nyaring Bunyinya"

Mereka tau apa soal kerjaan gw?
Mereka ga kerjain, mereka ga ngurus
jadi mau siapa yang urus??
Ya gw ambil alih, daripada lewat deadline trus kena deduction point lagi.

Trus mereka ngoceh soal daftar tamu. Itu daftar tamu yang jumlahnya 29 ittuuuuuuu itu buatannya Ketua Marketing gw tuhhh yang orang banyak omong tapi ga kerja kerja itu tuuuuhhhh. Gw ga ubah-ubah.

Trus mereka kesepakatan mau cuma jadi 15 orang doan. Oke, 15... Itu daftar ada 16 gara-gara apa??? Itu yang buat daftar, gw, Ketua Banquet, ma Guru Banquet, BUKAN GW SEORANG!!!!! dan trus, itu daftar naik ke 18 gara-gara ada penari yang udah kasih kita gratis, jadi kita HARUS ngundang dia 2 orang, dan itu tuh udah PROSEDUR YANG WAJIB!!

Lalu.... itu undangan kan jadinya hanya untuk 1 orang doang kan... Sejak mereka emang protesnya kayak begitu. Okay... Jadi, waktu salah satu guru yang emang cukup terpandang menerima dan menanyakan itu undangan berlaku untuk berapa orang? 1 orang ato 2? soalnya dia mau bawa istrinya. Waktu gw bilang 1 orang, MEREKA YANG PROTES lagi dan bilang, kita kasih 2 dong, masa kita cuma kasih 1???

Akhirnya, gw ma Bendahara membahas tentang siapa yang kita kasih buat 2 sama siapa yang cuma kita kasih 2. Maka naiklah itu jumlah ke 22. dan itu sudah berdasarkan persetujuan BENDAHARA. Lalu di kelas, mereka mulai lagi dengan suara nyaring hasil tong kosong itu. Maka sesudah itu, bendahara langsung bilang itu ada 2 guru kita ga perlu undang, jangan diundang, jadi gw hapuslah nama mereka. dan bendahara PUAS dengan keadaan itu. Dan itu baru KEMAREN

Lalu HARI INI mereka udah mulai lagi dengan TENG TENG TENG TENG suara tong kosong itu dan menyerang gw yang ga ada di kelas!!!!!!!!!
PENGECUT SEMUANYA!!!!!
Kalau mau memfitnah, FITNAH DEPAN ORANGNYA SEKALIAN!!
Kalau ga tau apa-apa, lebih baik TUTUP MULUT daripada CUAP CUAP
Dasar emang susah klo harus kerja sama dengan tong-tong kosong yang gunanya hanya menghasilkan suara nyaring nan memekakkan telinga.
Tong-tong yang tidak berguna, yang tidak tau apa-apa, tapi suaranya nyaring sekali...
Oke, silahkan mereka fitnah gw di depan guru, di depan temen-temen gw yang lain. TERSERAH

Emang silahkan klo ga terima gw jadi asisten banquet manajer, gw mencalonkan diri gara-gara temen-temen gw yang lain MINTA gw untuk mencalonkan diri. Jangan egois dong jadi orang, di kelas ini bukan hanya KALIAN saja, wahai tong-tong kosoooong... Ada golongan lain juga yang mau gw jadi wakil mereka. Gw tau kalian ga suka gw gara-gara gw emang bukan golongan kalian, gw manusia berambut, bermata hitam, dan kulit gw ga seputih cat tong kaliaaan. Gw juga produk dunia bagian timur dan bukan produk dunia bagian barat. Gw jarang banget yang namanya hura-hura dan minum-minum, gw emang bukan tong kosong yang memimpikan dirinya diisi oleh alkohol.

Kalau mau menyuarakan suara-suara ituuuu wahai tong-tong kosong... suarakanlah di depan ku!!! Tatap mataku!!! dan jangan asal berasumsi seenak perut tong mu itu!! Cari tau dulu sebelum cuap-cuap!!

KESSSSAAAAALLLLLLL

aku kesal, kesal, kesal, KESAL!!!!!!!

aku ga suka sama kelasku, GA!!!!!!
gimana ga kesel coba??
mereka buat keputusan sendiri, ga bilang", ga konsultasi, gerak sendiri
...
gw sebagai asisten manager, sama temen gw yang manager ga pernah dianggep!!!!
mereka ga kasih laporan ke kita
kita nanya mereka ga gitu jelasin
begitu kena masalah, baru deh kita yang dicari
suruh kita yang selesain masalahnya
tapi gimana mau tanggung jawab, klo masalahnya apa aja kita ga tau??????
kayaknya tugas gw cuma jadi tameng deh!!

kayak soal hot pot kemaren,
mereka mau urus, okay, kita kasih lo urus
dan lo bilangnya udah beres
tapi kenapa pas hari H, ga ada yang beres???
ga ada organisasi sama sekali
trus pas mereka jelasin, cuma pake basa mereka yang hanya bisa dimengerti oleh orang" dari negara mereka sendiri.
trus???
apa gunanya yang lain?
kalian mau buat grup dari negara kalian sendiri?
terserah!!!!!!
tapi jangan gini dong, ini tugas kelas, kita sebagai kelas seharusnya satu team!!
team work!!!
but how come you want us to work as a team if you don't even consider us as your team?????

gw bener" ga habis pikir sama skali!!!!!!
ga tau lagi gw harus ngomong apa sama mereka

jadi sekarang, semuanya da saling marah
saling nyalahin
kayak hari ini, tiba" aja ada satu orang yang marah" ke gw.
emang, itu ide gw buat minjem daripada beli, ya iyalah, minjem cost us nothing, tapi klo beli kan mahal!! apalagi klo dia mo import dari negaranya sana, dan harga awal disananya aja ga murah plus ongkos kirim lagi.
gw da kirim email ke skolah lain yang bisa minjemin, tapi klo blom dibales, emang salah gw??
trus skarang marah" lagi
WHAT THE HELL DO YOU WANT????
we can't afford to spend a lot of money, coz we don't even have the money!!!!
plus in total of what we can spend, not counted the money that we have to raise in order to get the money is only 3000 francs!!!
don't spend the money unnecessarily!!!!

tekad gw dah bulet banget,
gw bakal buat evaluasi, dan di evaluasi ini, gw bakal nerapin peraturan" baru.
I don't care wether you like it or not,
I don't care if you want to hate me
I don't care even if you regreted that you have chosen me
I just want to change everything!!!!

the way it has gone, is not well
and in order to improve, we need to make changes
and I will act as a dictator if I have to!!!

condolences for him..

Gw baru aja tau, dari mantan supervisor gw..
kalo ternyata ex boss gw meninggal dunia tadi pagi.

jujur gw kaget banget...
bisa dibilang gw ga percaya!!
he is so stubborn and annoying that he won't die easily!!!!
seriously!

but, what can I say...
an accident is an accident, and it can really take people lifes....

it is true that I don't like him when I was working with him.
it is true that I'm happy when he quit the job.

but it also true that I am grieving for him.
I never thought that he is going to have such a short live.

he is not a good supervisor,
but he is quite nice as a friend.

this thing also teach me something.
we'll never know when, where, or how that we are going to die
it could be soon, it could be later
but you'll never know

now, I don't have any grudge to him
I forgived everything
and I am sincerely praying for him....

feeling at the moment

aku ga tau mau mendeskripsikan perasaanku ini kayak gimana...
benar" bingung!!!!!
aku marah, aku kesal, aku sedih, aku kecewa, aku malas, aku cuek....
semua ini campur aduk,
dan rasanya tuh beban di pundak ini berat banget!!!!!!
seakan" setiap tarikan napas yang kuhirup ini membawa udara seberat 20 kg!!!
dan yang lebih parahnya lagiiiii................
aku ga tau apa penyebabnya.

beneran,
sumpah!!
GW GA TAU APA SEBABNYA!!!!!!!

mungkin gara" banquet gw yang prosesnya ga berjalan lancar
dan semua orang di meeting tadi membawa aura negative yang kuat banget.
maklum, yang namanya organisasi kayak begini...
pasti bakalan banyak yang namanya pertengkaran, dan gw sudah antisipasi untuk hal itu.
jadi kenapa dong gw bisa merasa terbebani kayak gini????

atau mungkin gara" hidup gw yang akhir" ini monoton banget??
yang cuma pergi ke sekolah, tanpa teman" 'gila'ku yang dulu yang pastinya membuat setiap hari itu penuh warna dan ga pernah sama...
padahal aku sudah berusaha semampuku untuk memberikan warna pada hari" ku yang suram ini...
aku pergi belajar naik kuda yang dari dulu pengen untuk kulakukan dan baru sekarang bisa terpenuhi.. jujur aku senang banget naik kuda, walau aktivitas ini memang memakan usaha, tenaga, waktu serta biaya yang cukup lumayan...
tapi kayaknya aktivitas ini hanya bekerja untuk hari itu saja, memberi warna hanya pada paragraf saat hal itu dituliskan, tapi tidak memberi warna pada lembarannya......

atau... mungkinkah karena reports" yang sudah mengantri untuk dibuat itu???
memang sih, aku punya banyak report yang harus aku kerjain dan deadline semakin dekat...
tapi jujur, aku tidak terlalu merasa terbebani karena report" itu...
soalnya...
ok, gw bukannya mau boast atau gimana, tapi gw emang moody banget klo soal buat reports. klo gw lagi mood, gw bisa buat report 2000 kata hanya dalam 1 malem, or even more than just 2000.
itu kalau gw lagi mood.
kalo ga????
jangan harap 1 paragraf aja selesai.
dan berhubung dead line masih lama..
ya gw santai" aja hehehehehehe

so...
apa dong alasan buat mood gw yang jelek banget ini?????????????????
apa???

finished internship!!!!!

just yesterday, I worked for the last time.
now formally, I've finished my first internship!!!!
^^

ga nyangka ya 6 bulan berlalu begitu saja
awalnya..
rasanya 6 bulan tuh masih lama banget.
tapi skarang... ternyata... gw dah selesai kerja!!!!!
senang banget rasanya.

tadi gw juga udah terima reference letter dari maitre d'hotel ku, it's a good one.
Thank you Mr. Tanguy ^^
ga sia" de kerja susah payah bareng si supervisor yang rese itu dulu. hehehe

now, the only thing that I need to do is PACKING PACKING PACKING!!!!!!!!!
time to go back to Indonesia!
^^
well, a short vacation in Singapore too..
hehe
;)

miss my friends!!!!!

wow...
they just left about 1 hour..
and I miss them so much!!!!!!!!!!!!!

so lonely here...
without my friends..
maybe I'm used to have them all around me.
everywhere...
everytime...
and now....

T.T
so lonely
till I want to cry...
I miss you..... my friends....
>.<

keep in touch plizz, though all of us are in different places..
and hope we could meet soon!!!

oh no... not again!!

oh no..
it's happening AGAIN!!!!!

the same reason why I shut all the doors even the windows.
and now...
..
..
..
I'm sorry... I didn't mean to be like that..
sorry to hurt you,
but you take it wrong!!!!!
I didn't mean to be like that..
sorry...
my writings are abstract..
it's just everything that's in my mind..
for I wrote it for my friends..
only certain friends that actually really understand for those.
I wrote it for THEM
sorry for the miss understanding...
>.<
I really am....
and for the things that you said...
sorry...
but...
no..
I can't..

not all that you think it's true!!
I'm sorry..
I shouldn't give you any hope like that..
it's not what I meant.
no...
I'm not ready for that
and maybe..
I will never be ready..

I can't start something new like that..
it's human to remember

I can't be that close to you anymore.
you know that..
and plizz..
face the truth...
it will never be come true..

go on with your life
live the fullest of it
look back for wisdom

facing the past

I'm sorry I don't give you any of my news for a long time.
coz I think it's the best for both of us, at least, until the time is better.
I didn't forget you, just to tell you
but I don't have that feeling anymore, I'm sorry

I really hope that you can have a better life
I am
never meant to hurt you..
really..

specially in the worst of time of yours
though I want to comfort you, I don't know how

you said you still miss me.
I'm sorry for causing so much pain in you
I know how you feel and how hurts it could be
coz I've been in that position of yours myself..
and I'm sorry for that.

All that I can offer to you is friendship.
a pure friendship.
could you take that?
would you accept that?